Meditations on a Roller Coaster Year / or the battle for control of my life between Kali and Vishnu
December 15, 2019
Looking at things spiritually, this year has been an all out war between my own diety; Vishnu, who has wanted to smouther me with wonderful experiences and opportunities. Whilst on the other hand Kali, a goddess of darkness and mischief, who has felt jealous at all the attention Vishnu has given me and so has slung horrible barriers in my way in the shape of illness, broken bones and a horrible accident.
“In the eyes of westerners, Kali is a goddess dark of mind, body and soul, a mysterious goddess of death and destruction.”
You may not go with all this Hindu spiritual stuff but there is no doubt this has been an incredibly roller coaster year for me.
My mum has always said, when bad things happen: “these things are sent to test us”. Well I can tell you, I have been well and truly tested this year.
But I have also been rewarded with some wonderful life changing experiences.
My topsy turvy year kind of began in December 2018. I had been struggling with terrible credit card debt and that debt was holding me back like a ball and chain. I was so snowed under I eventually went to citizens advice for help. I cannot recommend this enough.
They helped me to set up a Debt Relief Order, a kind of bankruptcy but with out all the side effects. The program lasts a year. So on the 28th of this month 2019, all my debts will be written off and I will be free.
December 2018 was also the date I returned to Whirl-y-gig for the first time in nearly 30 years. It has totally changed my life and made me so happy. Mary and Richard Sutcliffe (the organisers/DJ), are nurturing loving souls that comfort me in life every day and are truly magical, life changing people.
The ripples of my returning to Whirly are filled with joy. A whole new set of friends, a brilliant new social life, new clubs, dinner parties, festivals and we are all off to Goa next year. My life has changed completely due to whirl-y-gig.
Whilst all this was happening I was building up my blog, which is now a huge success. I also opened an interactive group page on Facebook that is now very successful with 100’s of members and its a really up beat happy page.
Also from the Whirly organisers came wonderful wonderful Parlour Party. My whole crew go there now and its a joyous wonderful musical celebration of life and all that’s good about it.
But in late December there was a really bad flu virus doing the rounds and I fell very ill. I had mild pneumonia and a serious chest infection. I was ill with it until the end of February (three months!!) and it knocked me for six.
I could not believe I was unwell for so long, it really got me down because it had felt like there was beginning to be some real happy momentum in my life and now it was as though a force was saying; ‘you are not allowed to be happy’. Kali strike one.
I did finally recover though and fell into a content life of Whirl-y-gig, Parlour Party and other social activities with my new friends.
I was also making good progress on my book ‘Hippie Kushi Waking up to Life’, all about my experience of rebirth in later life and the happy hippie scene I had discovered. I even persuaded my good friends Geoff Sarbutt and May Sutcliffe to write the forwards to the book. I knew it was writing and reading well and so far I was very pleased how it was turning out.
Then of course there was the amazing, life changing Whirly Fayre; a truly magnificent experience in my life.
I was in a strong and confident mood after and found the confidence to finally quit my job with the NHS after 15 years; no more 70 hour week shifts.
It was now September and life was really good.
Then one day at home I went to make myself a brew and made my way back to the sofa. Somehow I banged my toe against the sofa leg so hard, I broke my toe in two and fractured my foot. A & E followed and then lots of pain and discomfort. Kali strike two!
I still somehow managed to drag myself to Whirl-y-gig but it wasn’t my best time as I was in a lot of discomfort.
Of course I eventually recovered and started my new job at a health centre in Sunbury not far from me. I liked the job a lot and on my bicycle it only took me 10 minutes to get home. With my new earnings I was able to start planning a 5 week trip to Goa in India. The original plan was to spend a week with Geoff in the South of the state but soon all my crew expressed a desire to come. Now it has turned into one big amazing Whirly jolly and I cannot wait; I leave January 20th 2020.
I have even started planning my online clothes and jewellery business and have started creating CD compilations too.
But clearly, Kali decided now I was far too happy, having far too much of a good time. Kali didn’t like that at all, she was jealous of Vishnu’s gifts of joy to me and so she made her big move!
Only three weeks into my new job I was speeding along on my bike; late for work. It was wet and slippery on the road. As I got to the last corner into the road where my work was, I skidded and crashed heavily onto the floor; splat!
The car behind skidded on its brakes and it managed to stop an inch from my face. I instantly went into shock, shaking, sweating and passing out; something really bad had happened.
The ambulance crew had to cut my clothes off at the scene and rushed me off to hospital. x-rays and a CT scan showed my arm was so badly smashed across the shoulder that the arm had become detached from the rest of my body; only being held on by flesh and muscle.
I can honestly say I have never known pain like it. My friends and family really rallied round and came to look after me. Mary Sutcliffe you were truly my guardian angel during this traumatic time.
I was in and out of hospital for two and a half weeks. They operated on me which was a seven hour procedure. I now have an artificial shoulder and metal pins holding my arm together. The pain after the operation was the worst I have ever experienced.
Whirl-y-gig was on as I recovered at home and I received so many lovely messages of support it was so heart warming and has aided my recovery.
I’m almost mended now.
But Kali can never win, I have to much love, friendship and kinship in my life. The Whirly vibe is stronger than you, ugly goddess.
India is coming and I am so looking forward to that
Vishnu has shown me that goodness and love will always conquer badness and pain. As way of showing me this he presents the biggest gift of all.
When I sent my book off to several well researched publishers I gave my self a time limit of the 14th December 2019. If I had no response by then I would self publish on Amazon; a disappointing outcome for a book I believe has a lot of heart and substance.
The 14th came and so the first thing I did that morning was I printed off the outline of what I needed to do to publish my book on Amazon.
Then I heard the postman post a letter through my door. It was an A4 envelope containing a smart folder from Austin Macauley publishers, a top international publisher. The attached letter basically said “all partners absolutely loved your book and your warm way of writing; we wish to publish your book!!
They will not only publish it, but act as my agent, advertise the book, arrange book signings and make it a success.
The life changing possibilities this book could open up for me if it is a success are mind blowing. Could I become a successful writer?
I finish this strange roller coaster year with the most amazing news of all; hope wins.