The change is irreversible
March 13, 2018
“I don’t like work,” “says Marlow in Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness,” “but I like what is in the work-the chance to find yourself.” “Marlow wasn’t referring to vagabonding, but the notion still applies. Work is not just an activity that generates funds and creates desire; it’s the vagabonding gestation period, wherein you earn your integrity, start making plans, and get your proverbial act together. Work is a time to dream about travel and write notes to yourself, but it’s also the time to tie up loose ends. Work is when you confront the problems you might otherwise be tempted to run away from. Work is how you settle your financial and emotional debts-so that your travels are not an escape from your real life but a discovery of your real life.”
VAGABONDING; Rolf Potts, Ballantine Books, New York, 2002
Something so strange is happening to me now, it is as though my soul has taken over. My 8 to 5 job feels impossible to bear. Every day I am lost and things cannot continue as they are, I cannot concentrate and my mind has moved to another place. I feel like I just want to put on my backpack and go. I want to start moving and I don’t want to stop until I’ve reached Thailand or Cambodia or I’m back in India or anywhere else that isn’t ‘here’ .
I realise I have been unconsciously preparing for this moment, this transition. I have several projects outside of my work situation now that could potentially make me money on the road. I have written a book which is currently being edited and I have many more books inside of me. I also have my blog, which I am loving writing. I produce art as well, that I could sell:
I have done extras work for movies and once I have passed my motorbike test I could be a motorcycle courier. All these bits and bobs could replace my full-time job and would allow me to have the time to prepare for my travels and eventually just go…
I don’t want to wait anymore, its time to go vagabonding around the world, but still, the arm of safety holds me back. This is a confusing and conflicting time for me but all I know is the change has come and there is no returning to what was.